I’ve tried to get the best from your message. I know, though, that the first positive and liberating effects are writing, drawing and talking about doubts and distress.

You wrote:

Question: I feel like I am in a contact with the astral level.
Answer: It is normal, in fact. If you start climbing stairs, you’ll find the closest level first.

Q: It’s as if answers arrived to my thoughts and doubts.
A: the conscience (answering) is the only aspect, although in different forms, which exists in all “mental bodies” of the being. Conscience permeates and “wraps” the several bodies of man. Indeed, it is the conscience that makes the difference. For example: to be conscious of the physical side makes the physical body; to be conscious of the soul makes the soulful body, etc.
From the astral body (emotional level) until the casual body (level of the sup. Ego) and up again (soulful and monadic), it is the conscience to answer.
Truly, the influence of the astral, impulsive and passional conscience should be avoided and the conscience of the abstract mind, for example, should be preferred.

Q: I was even afraid of having prematurely developed a form of psychism…
A: Before the contact with the Ego, we can only reach vile and temporary forms of psychism. In the meantime it’s better to be cautious, rely upon a certain teaching and follow it until the end, that is, until the first contact (bridge) with one’s own Self of sup. Ego.
To be successful it is necessary “to build” not an oscillatory but a stable contact between the lower conscience (the impermanent self) and the superior one, not affected by physical and sexual senses, but guided by the will of the Ego.

Q:… I thought I might have looked the “guard of the threshold” in the eye…
A: You won’t meet him before the last major initiation. It was too early in your case.

Q: …traditional psychiatry, hypothesis I ruled out…
A: And you did well, you are not ill but someone who’s trying to «disintegrate» the links with “his own matter”.

Q: …all the instruments I had available, first of all praying…
A: The first of all instruments is not praying. It is the consciousness of what we are in an exoterical view (apparently I am this and I do that) to find ourselves again for what we really are: glimmers of divine conscience.

This is the initiatory path: abandoning the appearance in order to gain back the inner reality (conscious identity).

Fraternally
Esonet’s Editorial Staff.